i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
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