I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
Randomize
