I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
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