Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
