My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
Randomize
