we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
