She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
Randomize
