...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Randomize
