he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
Randomize
