I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
Randomize
