I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Randomize
