12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
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