The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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