My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
