Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
she peed on how many people?
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
Randomize
