so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
So much Jack, so little girl.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
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