using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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