Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Randomize
