i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
Randomize
