were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
Randomize
