question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
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