Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
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