That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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