She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
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