Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
