There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
Randomize
