I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
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