It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
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