woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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