i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
