C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
SEEEEXXX PLEASE
i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
Randomize
