We named our party play list daddy issues
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
Randomize
