Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
Don't tell me you're on acid again
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
Randomize
