I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
Are we still banned from the library?
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Randomize
