i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Randomize
