smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
