Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
Randomize
