Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
