dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
Randomize
