you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
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