im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
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