I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
Randomize
