I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Randomize
