you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
Randomize
