If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Randomize
