is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
