I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
I should be sponsored by Trojan
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
i dont even know how to be here
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
Randomize
