Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
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