brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
So drunk its hurt
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
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