I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
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