So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
Randomize
