I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
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