your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
