since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
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