What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Randomize
