just come out here and I will go home with you...
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
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