Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Randomize
