2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
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