dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize
