dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Randomize
