he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
