just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
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