i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
If I die, sorry about rent.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
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