It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Randomize
