I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
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