he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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