Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
Randomize
