Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
